All I want for Christmas
by Alaisabel
Summary: Basically the presents Remus and Sirius exchange at Christmas from their first year at Hogwarts to their fifth. Pointless Christmassy fluff.


**A/N:** Disclaimer and all that jazz. I'm uploading this today for multiple reasons, the most important ones being. 1. I live in Denmark where we celebrate Christmas the 24. and 2. I find that I'd rather get into a Christmas mood before than after Christmas ^^

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**First Christmas**

It was Remus' first Christmas on Hogwarts. In fact it was his first Christmas, which wasn't being held at home with his parents. Not that that wasn't nice, this was just different.

It had been easy to find presents for James and Peter, they'd both wanted candy but Sirius had just replied with a shrug when he'd asked him what he wanted. And that was why Remus was now fiddling with his poorly wrapped present.

He'd been so embarrassed about it that he'd even waited for the others to head for breakfast before asking Sirius to wait for two seconds. So that the others wouldn't see what he gave. Sirius had given him a box of Every Flavour Beans without any fuss but not Remus, of course Remus had had to make something himself.

Remus rubbed his neck and avoided looking at Sirius while handing him the present and found a sudden interest for the floor while Sirius unwrapped it.

"Remus?" Remus looked up at Sirius who was holding out the scarf with a quizzical expression.

"Yeah, ehmmm… I've noticed that you don't have a scarf or anything and it's getting really cold, so I just thought that if I made you one…" Remus bit his lip, "I know it's stupid, I'll buy you a proper gift sometime…"

Sirius cut him off, "You made this?"

"Umm, yes, you don't have to wear it…" Remus started saying but in that moment Sirius started wrapping the scarf around his neck.

"I love it," Sirius beamed, "It's the first homemade thing I've ever gotten, it's awesome." Sirius grinned widely "I'm starving, wanna go for breakfast?"

Remus nodded and when Sirius started showing the scarf to James and Peter he flushed with pleased embarrassment.

**Second Christmas**

"The Beatles, seriously?" Sirius eyed the record dubiously.

"Yes, they're the best thing to ever happen to music." Remus declared. Some time in the autumn Remus had mentioned the band and Sirius had reacted with a frown, "If you'd just listen to it you'd get it. That one's actually my favourite album."

"Yeah, yeah, I'll listen to it." Sirius rolled his eyes but ruffled Remus' hair anyway.

"It you're done fighting over music I think I'd like to get some breakfast, like now." James said and disappeared out of the door followed by Peter.

"Hey, wait up!" Sirius yelled and scrambled after them, grabbing Remus' hand on the way.

"Merlin, why are we in such a hurry?" Remus groaned when they reached the bottom of the stairs.

Sirius didn't reply but slowed down a bit.

They were in the hall when a voice suddenly started yelling "Severus Snape, I'm sorry for being so unpleasant to you! I realise now that it was wrong of me to hide a Flobberworm in your bag! I promise never to do it again, if you'd just stop being a little shit!"

"That's my present to you, Remus." Sirius beamed.

"Wow, that's… nice. Maybe, next time, cut out that last part, yeah?" Remus tried to keep his tone serious, he really did, but he couldn't help but smile, "I hope McGonagall is feeling the Christmas Spirit, if you want to avoid detention, that is."

In that moment McGonagall came marching out of The Great Hall, "Black!"

"I… hadn't thought about that." Sirius groaned, "You better appreciate what I'm going to go through for you." Sirius exclaimed dramatically and flung himself on the floor in front of McGonagall.

And even though it was Sirius' own fault, no one had forced him to be like that to Snape, Remus did appreciate the thought behind the apology.

**Third Christmas**

Music started playing and someone sat heavily on Remus' bed "_Good day, suuunshine_!"

Remus growled and buried his head in the pillow "I swear, Black, I'm going to kill you."

"_I feel good, in a special way_!" Sirius continued singing along, "Cheer up, you gave it to me yourself, last year, remember?" Sirius yanked the pillow from Remus' grip.

"Worst decision of my life," Remus stated and clung to the blanket Sirius was trying to wrestle from him.

"_We take a walk, the sun is shining down_!" Sirius continued, suspiciously cheery, he wasn't usually this happy in the morning, 'Morning' being any time earlier than noon.

"Go away," Remus grumbled when the cold air hit him as Sirius succeeded in taking his blanket.

"Come on, it's Christmas." Sirius insisted.

Remus peered at Sirius, "Um, no, it's not, it's the 28th."

"Technically," Sirius admitted, "But you see, you missed Christmas when you had to…" Sirius stopped for a short moment but then continued with more enthusiasm than before "When you had to visit you mother… so we'll have to redo it for you."

Remus slowly uncurled himself, "How?"

"Well, first of all you have to get dressed." Sirius snickered and threw a pair of jeans at him.

"Idiot," Remus mumbled as he disoriented tried to drag them on to the sound of _And Your Bird Can Sing._

"Here." Sirius held a parcel towards him.

"What's that?" Remus took the soft parcel.

"Spoiler: That's kind of the purpose of the wrapping." Sirius replied in a low voice, sounding like he was telling a great secret.

Remus rolled his eyes but unwrapped the gift anyway. Remus unfolded the thing; it was green and very soft. He lifted the fabric up to get a better look at it, as he did he felt an urge to bury his face in the scarf.

"It used to belong to me but I never really use it so I thought you might… What are you doing?"

Remus stopped rubbing the soft fabric against his cheek, "It's nice."

Sirius beamed at him, "Great, I bet it's cold in Hogsmeade. Wouldn't want you to catch a cold."

"Hogsmeade?" Remus asked puzzled. Even if it hadn't just been full moon and he was worn-out this was too much to process this early in the morning.

"And you're supposed to be the bright one." Sirius sighed, "We're going there. Now."

"But it's not a Hogsmeade weekend." Remus blurted out.

"When has that ever stopped us?" Sirius grinned and pulled out James' invisibility cloak, "Not that we're going to need it, though. We'll use the passage but you can't be too careful with Snape lurking around."

xXx

"Shouldn't you be at home this Christmas?" Remus asked, adding a few lines to the sketch he was making. It felt like his hands were going to freeze off but he'd been working on this since before the full moon and he wanted to finish it.

"Um… yeah, I should but…" Sirius pulled at his earlobe, "I figured they'd want to be alone this year, Regulus stayed at the school last Christmas you know."

Remus had known that the full moon would fall around Christmas this year so he'd told the others that he had to spend Christmas at home. This had led to the others immediately deciding that they all should go home for Christmas, so the fact that Sirius had stayed at the school meant that he'd spent Christmas alone. Remus' stomach clenched.

"Oh," Remus buried his lower face in his scarf, he shouldn't have brought it up, he really shouldn't. It had been a perfect day and now he'd ruined it.

"What're you drawing?" Sirius inquired.

"Nothing special, it's just a sketch, really." Remus shrugged and tried to tilt the drawing of a big black dog away from Sirius.

"You haven't given me a present yet." Sirius batted his eyelashes.

"Oh, sorry, I'll get you something. What do you want?" Remus felt his neck turning hot.

"I like that 'just a sketch'." Sirius tilted his head.

"Are you serious?" Remus frowned, Sirius grinned and was just about to open his mouth when Remus quickly added, "Don't, if you make one more serious/ Sirius joke we can't be friends anymore. I mean it."

Sirius clutched his heart and made a face that was clearly meant to look offended, "How can you say something like that?"

"I don't know, maybe I'm actually an old grumpy man." Remus confided.

"I wouldn't be surprised," Sirius sighed, "But, yes, I really like it."

Remus added a few more lines and scribbled _Sirius_ in the bottom right corner, "Here you go. Merry Christmas."

Sirius looked at it with eyes just a little brighter than usual, "Thanks…" then he lifted his gaze to look at Remus, "Merry Christmas."

**Fourth Christmas**

"Shit, Remus, what's wrong?"

Remus immediately stiffened and tried to wipe the tears off his face. He turned his head away from Sirius who had just entered and replied, "Nothing."

Sirius crouched down before Remus who sat on the bed, "Dude, it's Christmas, I'm pretty sure something has to be really wrong to get you into this state. So, what's going on?"

Remus folded and unfolded the letter he was holding, "It's… it really is nothing. I shouldn't be so upset about it. It's just a letter from my parents and…" Remus stopped. He couldn't tell Sirius what was wrong because he hadn't _told him_. Remus had several times wanted to tell the others about his… sickness, there was no other word for it. He couldn't tell them, he didn't want to lose the only friends he'd ever had.

"And?" Sirius gently prodded, his grey eyes so alight with concern that Remus forgot to breathe for a short moment. Sirius had never been a very mature person and he certainly wasn't one for heart-to-hearts. Even in very sincere situations he'd try to diffuse the tension with a joke. Except, now he was serious and ready to listen. The only problem was that Remus wasn't ready to talk.

"I can't…" Remus croaked and felt hot tears pressing again, though he tried to hold them back. He didn't want to cry in front of Sirius.

"Hey, shhh," Sirius took one of Remus' hands between his own and rubbed it in gentle circles, "It's okay, I've got you." Remus froze in surprise by the unexpected touch. Sirius frequently touched him but never this intimate.

Apparently, the same thought occurred to Sirius who started backtracking, "I mean, it's not okay, obviously it's not but it's okay if you don't want to tell me. I'd like to hear what's wrong but not if you don't want to." Sirius rambled and withdrew his hands.

Remus looked down at his abandoned hand, "It's this letter from my parents. They're acting all happy and sweet but I know that I'm disappointing them." There were real tears, hot and salty, rolling down his cheeks now, "And it's just making it worse, harder to deal with, that they're acting like everything's fine when it's not. It won't ever be okay and I will always be a disappointment to them. Every. Single. Day."

A warm, solid hand wiped a tear away from Remus' face before lifting his head. Remus looked directly into Sirius' eyes and immediately regretted telling Sirius. For Merlin's sake, the guy's parents were huge dicks and experts in making people feel like failures and even though Sirius was good at hiding how much it truly affected him, Remus knew that it hurt him.

The thing was, it would be so easy for Sirius to make this about himself, hell, Remus probably would have if the roles were reversed. It would also be so easy for Sirius to pressure Remus into telling him much more than Remus was comfortable with. But Sirius didn't.

"I would tell you that you aren't a disappointment to anyone, but I doubt very much that I'd manage to convince you." Sirius broke the eye contact and rose. He rummaged a bit in his trunk and reappeared holding a chocolate bar.

"Eat it. It'll help." Sirius said, holding the chocolate out for Remus to take. When Remus just stared at the chocolate he added, "I haven't poisoned it, you know…"

Remus hesitantly took it, unwrapped it and bit a tiny piece off. Surprisingly, it actually made him feel better. "Thank you." Remus mumbled, trying to project all he wanted to say into those two words but failing miserably.

"You're welcome." Sirius ruffled his black hair, "I hope you dig that chocolate because I don't have any other present for you."

"I do." Remus beamed, perhaps a little too enthusiastic, "Which reminds me, I have something for you. I never got around to wrapping it but…" while he talked Remus found the album and handed it to Sirius.

Sirius nearly dropped his jaw, "But you don't like The Stones." he gaped at Remus.

"I know, but you do." Remus shrugged, "Besides, I kind of like _Lady Jane_ that's why I picked that album." Maybe he was lying a tiny little bit but Sirius probably didn't remember declaring that _Aftermath_ was his favourite album of all times and Remus didn't feel like reminding him. Not to mention the fact that Remus had spent about a month finding out if Sirius owned it. It wasn't like it was a rare record or anything but Sirius didn't own much music and he never bought records himself.

"You're the best." Sirius beamed and clutched the album while looking at Remus in an affectionate way that almost didn't make Remus' insides turn fuzzy.

**Fifth Christmas**

"Sirius, what's going on?" Remus panted as Sirius dragged him along by the hand.

Sirius turned his head and grinned at Remus "If I told you it wouldn't be a surprise, would it?"

Remus rolled his eyes and buried his half-frozen face in the green scarf he was wearing, "I don't like surprises."

"You'll like this one." Sirius promised but under his breath he added something that sounded suspiciously like "I hope."

"Yeah, you had me at 'It's in The Forbidden Forest'. That usually works out really well, doesn't it?"

"You're just mad that you had to go outside."

"Because it's freezing. Will you look at the ground? That's snow. Cold, wet snow." Remus snapped.

"I know, I know." Remus could _hear_ the eyeroll, "I thought I was supposed to be the complaining one."

"I'm not complaining, I'm merely stating the obvious."

Sirius didn't reply, instead he stopped and looked around.

"So you actually did manage to get him outside," James grinned, "Impressive."

"I know; I'm fabulous." Sirius winked, then his expression suddenly got a bit more sober, "Shall we get to it?"

"What's going on?" Remus was starting to panic.

Sirius let go of his hand and stepped closer to James and Peter, "We would explain it but it's easier to just show you."

Where his friends had just stood there were now two animals. A huge black dog and a stag. By closer investigation the two turned out to be three. The third being a rat.

"Guys? This isn't funny. What's going on?" Remus whipped around, "I'm serious. I'm also pretty sure it's illegal to bring deer into the forest."

"I'm not a deer." someone pouted, making Remus turn around again to face Sirius and James. The stag and the dog had disappeared but the rat remained.

"What's going on?" Remus refused to put the pieces together, he didn't want it to be what he thought.

"You're supposed to be the clever one, Remus." Sirius pointed out but seeing Remus' expression he added, "We're animagi." with a grin.

Remus gaped at him, "What?" he demanded, "Are you out of your minds? It's dangerous and illegal. What's going on?" Remus stopped, "Why?"

"To keep you company during your transformations of course." James said as if it was the most natural thing in the world, "It was Sirius' idea."

"My what?" he wasn't having a panic attack, he wasn't, he was just breathing very fast.

"Your transformations. You know, the whole turn-into-a-wolf-once-a-month-gig. It can't have escaped your notice." Sirius drawled.

Remus might have been hyperventilating a little at this point, "How long…?"

"For years. About second year I think." he threw a look at James for confirmation before continuing, "It's not like you're the subtlest person in the world, did you honestly think we hadn't noticed?"

"Yes."

Sirius looked like he was going to say something when James whispered, "Pads, I think we have a problem. It seems that Peter can't turn back."

"Oh, for fuck's sake," Sirius rubbed the back of his hand over his eyes.

That was it. It was far too dangerous. Remus turned on his heel and started walking back towards the castle.

"Shit, James, you help Peter, okay?" was the last Remus heard before he started running.

It was too much. Remus couldn't process it. If they'd known all along why were they still friends with him?

"Remus, wait!" Remus didn't stop, instead he set his pace faster even though his lungs were burning.

By the time he reached the stairs his legs were prickling and he was clutching his side. But he didn't slow down, he knew that he was faster than Sirius.

Remus reached the door to his favourite hiding place. It was an unused classroom on one of the upper floors. Remus had just pressed the door handle down when something solid hit him in the back, sending him flying into the room.

Remus fell on the floor with a hard thud and immediately after another body hit his own hard. Remus' face scraped against the stone floor.

"You're killing me." Sirius wheezed.

"Get off me," Remus croaked, "I can't breathe."

"Neither can I." Sirius groaned.

"That's your own fault for smoking." Remus almost allowed himself to get lost in their usual bickering but he couldn't, "Get off me."

Sirius picked up on the change of tone immediately and rolled away from Remus. Remus quickly backed until his back was pressed to the cold wall. He wrapped his arms around his legs and stared at Sirius.

"Are you out of your damn mind? Do you have any idea how dangerous what you're suggesting is?"

"Yeah, yeah, I get it. We should have talked to you first." Sirius mumbled and dragged a hand through his hair.

"No, I don't think you get it. At all. I'm a werewolf, Sirius. I could hurt you, hell, I could kill you. I'm a monster." Remus was on the verge of crying.

Sirius sat down next to him, "That's the entire point of the animagi-thing: That you won't hurt us."

"That's no guarantee. I have no control when I'm transformed." Remus mumbled.

"Hey, give me a little credit. I actually have researched. It should be different with animals, besides, James and I can protect each other if something goes wrong."

"I can't take that risk. Even the slightest chance that I'll hurt you… I can't…"

"You won't hurt us. I promise. We can take care of ourselves." Sirius grinned.

"Do you think this is some kind of game?" Remus snapped, "It's not funny and I'm not willing to risk it."

"This is our decision." Sirius snapped back, "You think everything is a joke to me? That's what you think about me?"

"No, I just don't think you realise the severeness of the situation. Do you think I could ever forgive myself if I hurt you?" a cold hand of fear clamped around Remus' heart.

"Do you think I can ever forgive myself if I just sit here without doing anything while you're in pain? That I can make my Potions homework and go to bed when you're out there, scratching yourself so deeply that you'll always have the scars?"

Remus wrapped his arms tighter around his legs, "How do you know about my scars?"

"I have actually seen you without a shirt on." Sirius' cheeks turned an odd red colour.

"Are you absolutely sure you want to do this?" Remus prodded.

A slow grin spread on Sirius' face, "I've wanted to do this since third year. And so have the others."

"Peter as well?"

"Yes, that's why he's in this in the first place. He might need a bit finesse." Sirius rolled his eyes, "Before you ask: Yes, he's going to be fine."

"Why are you doing this?" Remus whispered.

"To help you of course." Sirius beamed.

"You're always so nice to me. I just don't get it." Remus stared at his knees.

"We're your friends. That's how it's supposed to be." Sirius shrugged.

"Was it really your idea?" Remus sneaked a quick peek at Sirius' face before looking away again.

"The whole animagi thing or giving it to you as a Christmas present?" Sirius asked.

"It's a Christmas present?" Remus gaped.

"Um, yeah." Sirius replied as if it was the most obvious thing in the world, "Both were my idea by the way. You're free to show your gratitude." Sirius smirked.

"I don't even _have_ a gift for you." Remus blurted, feeling terrible.

"It's fine, Remus. I don't need anything."

"No, it's not fine. You're always giving me so much and I'm never repaying you." Remus was breathing hard again.

"It really is fine, Remus. I don't do it to get anything in return. I'm doing it to make you happy." Sirius said, striving for a nonchalant tone.

"But I want to give you something. Just tell me what you want and I'll get it for you the next time we're in Hogsmeade." Remus knew it was a poor excuse for repayment but he couldn't really do more.

"I don't want anything from Hogsmeade. I can always buy that myself. It's not like I'm lacking money." Sirius shrugged. Remus felt his cheeks grow hot. Of course.

"Then what do you want? I have to give you something." Remus was getting desperate.

"Well, there is one thing…" Sirius began.

"Anything."

"Anything?" Sirius investigated.

"Anything." Remus confirmed.

"In that case…" Sirius hesitated for a moment while Remus looked inquiring at him. Sirius gently cupped Remus' cheek and leaned in. It was barely a brush of lips but Remus thought his heart might have stopped.

"What are you doing?" Remus gasped.

Sirius started pulling back, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't…" Remus grabbed his wrist and Sirius looked at him almost hopefully.

Remus leaned in and brushed his lips over Sirius' "Was it something like this you had in mind?"

"We're getting there." Sirius murmured and licked his way into Remus' mouth.

Remus pulled a bit back "But?"

"What I had in mind requires a bit more touching." Sirius dragged Remus into his lap, Remus yelped in surprise as his chest was pressed against Sirius'. Sirius grinned at him and pressed their mouths together anew, this time with a hand buried in Remus' hair, his other unwrapping Remus' scarf.

Remus pulled back to make it easier to yank the scarf from his neck, "I'm not solely responsible for the animagi-thing, you know." Sirius gasped.

"I know, I'll have to get the others something as well." Remus smiled and bit into Sirius' earlobe.

"I hope…" Sirius groaned and tipped his head back, "I hope you don't give us the same thing. Because in that case I'll have to kill them."

"Idiot." Remus mumbled fondly against Sirius' neck.

"But an idiot who's about to have the best Christmas ever." Sirius grinned.

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**A/N:** Hope you enjoyed that ^^ I know it's not my grandest fic but I felt like pointless Christmassy fluff so there you go :3 I'd love if you could take 2 sec to leave a review to let me know what you think ^^

Merry Christmas :D *hugs all around*


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